Sometimes when I'm having a fight with my husband (even if it's just in my head) I get all defensive, and I want to put my hands on my hips, and give him the who-do-you-think-you-are-look. You know what I mean. As if he's the enemy, and I must protect myself from him.
Happens.
I recently came across this aya (verse of The Quran) and it hit me a little differently this time:
(هُنَّ لِبَاسٌ لَكُمْ وَأَنْتُمْ لِبَاسٌ لَهُنَّ)
(They are your garments and you are their garments) aka our spouses.
It hit me that Allah (God) wants our marriages to be a space of vulnerability, and safety. A place where we see each other (yes, even the messy part of us) and still provide cover for each other's weaknesses with love, loyalty, and safety.
Wow.
It reminds me that my husband isn't the enemy.
Our spouses aren't the enemy.. *deep breath*. Feels good, no?
When I want to get defensive and put my armor up (as Brene Brown calls them) I remember that God doesn't want me to put all these walls between him and I. That God wants me to let him in. That God wants me to be brave and let him know what I'm thinking, feeling, and needing.
It hit me that Allah (God) wants our marriages to be a space of vulnerability.
It also reminds me that God wants me to create a safe space for him to be vulnerable. To accept him with all his messiness, and the things I wish he did differently. To listen to him from a place of this aya and not a space of trying to 'fix' him or tell him how to be instead.
It reminds me to put this question in front of me when we have a conversation:
How can I be his garment (cloths) right now? If I was his garment (cloths), what would I say? How would I act?
Powerful questions.
If we can act from this place, marriage will be the bliss we want it to be. HOW COULD IT NOT!
This aya triggered the whole idea behind this Ramdan's podcast series "Life's Big Questions". And I thought for this Ramadan, I wanted to offer you more resources and people you can connect with that hopefully can help us answer life's biggest questions. Questions like:
What does success mean?
How do I heal?
What is life trying to teach me right now?
And how do I know I'm good with God?
It reminds me that my husband isn't the enemy.
In yesterday's episode, I met with Danya Babkair, a wonderful marriage counselor, and we talked about vulnerability between spouses in The Quran.
If you'd like to hear the full episode go here. (PS- it is in Arabic. This series will mostly be in Arabic except for a few interviews that were done in English).
If you're looking for more English, you can listen to last year's top favorites:
Here for you,
Noorah ☀️
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